She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
