we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
