I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
