dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
