So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
