last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
