people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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