you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
