sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I believe in your delicious
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
