Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize