sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
