Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
