O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
