I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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