He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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