apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
4 words: hood of his car
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
