girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
