Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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