I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize