i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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