I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my poor anus
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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