all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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