I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
