I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
