In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
