i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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