Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
