I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
