I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
