I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
