The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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