people are starting to question the shark bite story
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize