It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
