I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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