i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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