I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
