I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
