She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
