I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
