thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
