remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He did a backflip because drugs
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