I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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