Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
