Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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