I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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