I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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