Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize