Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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