If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
