It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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