i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
