IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
