So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
