Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
