Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I could fuck to npr.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize