I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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