The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
