I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
