i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize