Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
