I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize