Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
